\ Tag Archive for "Steven Wright" - Online Free Quotes Collection

Online Free Quotes Collection

Quotation For All Seasons

Funny Quotes 151-155

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Funny Quotes

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

Funny Quotes 106-110

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Funny Quotes

Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben

One man’s folly is another man’s wife.
Helen Rowland

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
Steven Wright

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
Warren Buffett

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
David Letterman

Funny Quotes 36-40

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Funny Quotes
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright

Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.
Hesiod

Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day.
Jay Leno

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley

Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin

Fitness Quotes 21-25

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Fitness Quotes
Exercise should be regarded as tribute to the heart.
Gene Tunney

Exercise to stimulate, not to annihilate. The world wasn’t formed in a day, and neither were we. Set small goals and build upon them.
Lee Haney

I think it’s more important to be fit so that you can be healthy and enjoy activities than it is to have a good body.
Rachel Blanchard

Exercise is the chief source of improvement in our faculties.
Hugh Blair

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
Steven Wright

Car Quotes 41-45

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Car Quotes

I have a need to make these sorts of connections literal sometimes, and a vehicle often helps to do that. I have a relationship to car culture. It isn’t really about loving cars. It’s sort of about needing them.
Matthew Barney

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I’m gone.
Steven Wright

I liken myself to Henry Ford and the auto industry, I give you 90 percent of what most people need.
Adam Osborne

We approach people the same way we approach our cars. We take the poor kid to a doctor and ask, What’s wrong with him, how much will it cost, and when can I pick him up?
James Hillman

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.
Erma Bombeck