I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles M. Schulz
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
I want to rip out his heart and feed it to Lennox Lewis. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children.
I was showing early symptoms of becoming a professional baseball man. I was lying to the press.
I went through baseball as "a player to be named later."
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
You spend a good piece of your life gripping a baseball and in the end it turns out that it was the other way around all the time.
Just watching my cats can make me happy.
I live alone, with cats, books, pictures, fresh vegetables to cook, the garden, the hens to feed.
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.
Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions; they pass no criticisms.