\ Tag Archive for "Rodney Dangerfield" - Online Free Quotes Collection

Online Free Quotes Collection

Quotation For All Seasons

Funny Quotes 151-155

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Funny Quotes

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

Funny Quotes 136-140

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Funny Quotes
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
Jay London

That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
Joe Rogan

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Walt Disney

I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.
Bob Hope

Funny Quotes 56-60

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Funny Quotes

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield

I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles M. Schulz

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld

Sports Quotes 121-125

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Sports Quotes
I want to rip out his heart and feed it to Lennox Lewis. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children.
Mike Tyson 

I was showing early symptoms of becoming a professional baseball man. I was lying to the press. 
Roger Kahn 

I went through baseball as "a player to be named later." 
Joe Garagiola 

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. 
Rodney Dangerfield 

You spend a good piece of your life gripping a baseball and in the end it turns out that it was the other way around all the time. 
Jim Bouton

Pet Quotes 11-15

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 Pet Quotes
Just watching my cats can make me happy. 
Paula Cole 

I live alone, with cats, books, pictures, fresh vegetables to cook, the garden, the hens to feed. 
Jeanette Winterson 

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it. 
Rodney Dangerfield 

I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul. 
Jean Cocteau 

Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions; they pass no criticisms. 
George Eliot