\ Tag Archive for "Dave Barry" - Online Free Quotes Collection

Online Free Quotes Collection

Quotation For All Seasons

Funny Quotes 66-70

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Funny Quotes

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.
Ellen DeGeneres

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Don Marquis

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
Dave Barry

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
Johnny Vegas

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
H. L. Mencken

Funny Quotes 61-65

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Funny Quotes

I think serial monogamy says it all.
Tracey Ullman

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
Saint Augustine

I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.
Paula Poundstone

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
Dave Barry

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
Natalie Wood

Food Quotes 6-10

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Food Quotes

Chicken fat, beef fat, fish fat, fried foods – these are the foods that fuel our fat genes by giving them raw materials for building body fat.
Neal Barnard

Civilization as it is known today could not have evolved, nor can it survive, without an adequate food supply.
Norman Borlaug

Confit is the ultimate comfort food, and trendy or not, it is dazzling stuff.
Sally Schneider

Cultivation to the mind is as necessary as food to the body.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
Dave Barry

Computers Quotes 86-90

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Computers Quotes

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
Dave Barry

The new information technology… Internet and e-mail… have practically eliminated the physical costs of communications.
Peter Drucker

The only legitimate use of a computer is to play games.
Eugene Jarvis

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
Andy Rooney

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
Andy Rooney

Computers Quotes 21-25

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Computers Quotes
Gee, I am a complete Luddite when it comes to computers, I can barely log on!
Jonathan Shapiro

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
Doug Larson

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
Dave Barry

I am regularly asked what the average Internet user can do to ensure his security. My first answer is usually ‘Nothing; you’re screwed’.
Bruce Scheneier

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Isaac Asimov