People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
H. L. Mencken
I think serial monogamy says it all.
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
Chicken fat, beef fat, fish fat, fried foods – these are the foods that fuel our fat genes by giving them raw materials for building body fat.
Civilization as it is known today could not have evolved, nor can it survive, without an adequate food supply.
Confit is the ultimate comfort food, and trendy or not, it is dazzling stuff.
Cultivation to the mind is as necessary as food to the body.
Marcus Tullius Cicero
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
The new information technology… Internet and e-mail… have practically eliminated the physical costs of communications.
The only legitimate use of a computer is to play games.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
Gee, I am a complete Luddite when it comes to computers, I can barely log on!
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
I am regularly asked what the average Internet user can do to ensure his security. My first answer is usually ‘Nothing; you’re screwed’.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.