It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
W. Clement Stone
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
I’d luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
I’d never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
H. L. Mencken
Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I’m afraid it did.
Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.
Old age is no place for sissies.
Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
It couldn't sound like a dog, because K9 isn't a dog, but I made it sound as mechanical as possible.
It's the movies that have really been running things in America ever since they were invented. They show you what to do, how to do it, when to do it, how to feel about it, and how to look how you feel about it.
Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success.
'Home Alone' was a movie, not an alibi.
I don't take the movies seriously, and anyone who does is in for a headache.
Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Men become much more attractive when they start looking older. But it doesn't do much for women, though we do have an advantage: make-up.
Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.
Men do not fail; they give up trying.
Those men get along best with women who can get along best without them.